First week of school done.

I think it is gonna be an interesting quick semester.

Taking up Accounts, Microeconomics and continuing to Calculus 2 this semester.

All subjects ain't too bad but I really have to constantly read and be on my toes in every lesson because there is just no space for mistakes or slacking. Really have to do well this semester again! Gambate!!!

Well, there were sparkles in my eyes when I saw you guys again tonight. I was really glad I met you guys again. Truly. Sigh. I just wished you were as excited to see me as well. I missed our times.

I had a good chat with Angie tonight. It was really deep. She understood. Its good to have someone that had been in that position before. I guess maturity sometimes isn't the best thing after all. I mean, time and time again I wished I just didn't know. The less I know, the less hurt i become, the less I know, the best things can turn out. It really applies everywhere from friendships, family matters, SOME school matters and even mamak matters. Like, if I didn't know the mamak man had spit into my teh ais, I wouldn't mind drinking it, because I DIDN'T KNOW!

I don't know man. Its just, like I was telling Vinz tonight, I mean, these past few months have thought me not to rely on people so much already. As painful as it may sound, but its just the truth. People just tend to disappoint you at every turn of the corner. I mean, to the people out there, its not that i don't trust you anymore, but I am sure you are MATURE enough to understand where I am coming from and not go "ooOoOOooO, John don't trust PEOPLE anymore worrrrr~~~" and all those bull crap.

*Brutally Honest Section*

Another thing that really got m thinking today was when I went early for the mamak thing they had in church tonight. Because I was PRESSURED and FORCED by "some" people, I agreed to go as early as 6pm to church, expecting he worst la. I just wasn't in the mood to sweat and work around the sun. As soon as I arrived, I helped carry some chairs from Zoe. Knowing the John that you know, John had thoughts running ALL over his mind about this chore. John started despising and complaining in his mind. But as soon as he watched others and as soon as he walked the many rounds as he did, he started thinking and reasoning. You know, if you'd been reading my posts lately, I had mention I wanted to be a better person right? And here was I complaining in my mind and just regretting the decision just going early. However, something in me just striked, and questioned myself. "You wanted to be a better person, now be THAT better person". You know, I can be so attentive and diligent in class listening to the lecturer and just so focused to do well but here am I, in church, carrying chairs around and whining. I just stopped at that moment.

My thinking changed. I carried the chairs with a smile. Suddenly all the burden of carrying those chairs left. Totally. I was glad I was doing it, in fact. I just genuinely wanted to help. And it was really funny how God works. The past few nights I have been doing push ups (yes, John can be vain too~) and it is just how weird I am now doing all these weights.. Hahaha! Oh well.. Yeah, tha was a really good lesson tonight on humility and jsut serving with a HEART! It was solely for God and to be a better person and totally not to please any man or to show off to any leader bla bla.. i'm just so sick of pleasing people la.. Who are they for me to please them, just suck off la~ Hahahaha.. I glad my heart still had a heart beat after such a long while of negligence and ignorance. Oh well, my baby steps..

I'm growing. For the better I hope. Now, cheers to a whole new week! WOoOOOoooHooOoOo!

PS: Thank You for allowing me to trust you, my friend.

-jOhN "learning" LiM-

OMG.. I was just randomly browsing my music library and came across this song that I presented with the "SS1 boyz" for Prefect's install!.. OMG.. I missed it so much!!!... ADAM, MOGGYS, JINNJO, ISAAC, BENJOZ AND I!... Wah Lau!... I missed this song!... Go download!! Shyt! I miss you guys back at school man...

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows - Brand New

All I could find was this pic

Damn bloody useless ppl we were last time.. HAhahahaHAHHA.. somehow I hear someone shouting "speak for yourself" from a far.. hahahha...

Anyways... Have a great week peeps!!! :)

-jOhN "smiling2" LiM-

:)

I'm glad I met You again..

Brought back so much thought..

Brought me back to the path I should be taking..

Thank You for just thinking of me..

Dugged out an old picture of You and I and realised how much You've thought me since..

Truly..

Hope You have a good time, my friend..

Classes starts tomorrow. I really don't know if I am ready for this semester. I pray I'll keep consistant and pleasent. Since the stories I have been hearing about people, I really pray I actually grow to become a better person. Everyone has been changing and growing, and I really don't want to grow the wrong way (emotionally and PHYSICALLY!).

People are getting particularly interesting. Everytime I am gone, something happens. Hahaha. Oh well, thank God I'm just not in the drama. Hmmm... Drama is just happening everywhere. Oh well, keep to myself, stay out and stay true and cool..

=) Growing can be a painful but rewarding experience. You don't need a rocket scientist to tell you that but how many can testify to enjoying the process of growing? What doesn't break you only makes you stronger. At this moment when no horrible events are happening it is easy to say and push myself on. It is always good to start off at a right set of mind. Hope it helps me carry through another sub-chapter of my life.

I am enjoying taking baby steps towards my future. Just growing and learning each day and time and just slowly discovering who I really am and to cope with every pressure around me. Oh well... we'll just see how I fluctuate.

Lessons lately:

Jealousy is a liar, think before you talk, smile =) and sing your heart out! =)

Good night ya'll! Things will get better :)

-jOhN "smiling" LiM-

Howdy peeps..

Safely arrived in Singapore from Perth in the wee hours of the morning before I flew back to Kuala Lumpur. I had such a blast in Perth with my sister. It was a whole new experience compared to Japan because Japan was a very luxurious "holiday" holiday. You get it right? But this one was where I really got to see the student life, away from family, all alone with your friends, in your own space and room. It really opened my eyes to a new dimension all together.

We went everywhere from the city to shop to the country sides to the wildlife park and beaches to just beautiful sceneries all around Perth. I am truly thankful for such an experience. It really got my mind off some things that weren't worth thinking of. The thing I loved the most was the times when I just drove along with my sister in the car and while we talked and really caught up with each other. She is truly my inspiration and just such an exceptional person in my life. I love You Ci! Her name is Julie by the way. I just call her Ci because Ci is Che in Hokkien.

I don't think any of her friends will read my blog, but I have to say she has extremely nice friends. Each of them were so friendly and hospitable. Many of them were crazily lame and funny. yes, even more funny than you Jo Lin~ Haha.

It really opened my eyes to a whole new experience. Student life isn't as glamourous or free as you think it is. At least not for me. I guess, when you are all alone, you are so caught up with work at Uni plus taking care of your food and chores at home till you really sometimes just feel so lost in a whole new foreign land. From the way I see it, what keeps you going is your friends. Just watching my sister's friends laugh and take care of each other really encouraged me loads. They were so sincere with each other, just like family. I realyl admire what they have for each other.

Somehow the way I feel is not coming out through words, but trust me, once you leave home, you'll get me. Learning to be independant, learning to make new friends, and just surviving over there. I'm glad I had the opportunity to look at it before I left. It would definately make me a better person.

:) A whole new semester is starting on Tuesday. I really pray I would have a good start and continue to be consistant for the next semesters to come. It really feels like a whole new beginning once again, coming back from this holiday, coming back to college.

Truly, I am taking baby steps towards the destiny of my life and I am learning each step of the way. Gonna press on towards becoming a better person each day.

Missing my classmates back in 5BR :( Hope to meet some new INTI faces soon :P Take care peeps! Having friends is like having cabonara for dinnner, YUMMY-LY DELICIOUS. Cheers!

-jOhN "pressing on" LiM-

Sitting here
In the silence of the room
I think of how much I want to be there
Beside You

I don't know You anymore
Where has those days gone
Those few days
Those few short days
That felt like forever when I smiled at You

I can't seem to drain the thought of You in my head
Everytime when everything is silent and when time stops
I start to think of You

Where have our days gone to?
I can't sit still beside you without any akwardness or discomfort
Is it You? Or am I just the one thinking too much again?

We used to know each other
So well I figured
But now, I don't
I am not falling out on You
Never will I. Surely. In Your arms. You enbrace me.

Hold me close to Your heart.
Don't ever let me go.

I miss You terrible, hopelessly..

IF I could, I would..
Catch a shooting star and put it in Your eyes
-that You'll dazzle me everytime I look into it.

I miss You, dearly, my friend.

-jOhN LiM-

PS: Perth is :)

Tennis@Titiwangsa

Chilling@Bangsar
Gonna miss friends while at Perth....

Gonna miss Japanese class while at Perth...

NOT gonna miss Malaysia while at Perth...

:) Thanx Zhi n Ryn again... :) Sweet la both of you..

And, Happy Birthday DAD! :) Nice meal... Nice 9 course meal.. :P

-jOhN "leaving" LiM-

It is just funny how people can really talk about you behind your back and then still stare at you face to face without guilt.

:)

The human form is only but of defect and error. That is how I see it.

Anyway, another statement I would like to make.


How many of us actually do get jealous when we read blogs of friends and find out that they have gone out with your mates and you weren't even called?


I gave up doing that because it is just so ridiculous thinking about it. Jealousy kills :)



Anyway, here is a pic I'm glad to share.

Good night people.

:)

Looking what the past has done does no good.

Hearing what you have said about me is no good either.

Seing what you have been doing about it was worst.

Feeling what I have been feeling about us the past minute was disasterous.

Now. I stand. Alone.

Trust.

Is lost and will not be found in you again. I'm sorry my friend. Somethings are just not meant to be played with. And my feelings are just one of them.

Pain. Eating me from the inside out. I really don't know who are true out there anymore. Everyone is just plain white outside but stained inside, as how I am as well. When will we all be true to each other?

I forgive you. But never will you find the trust I gave you that night. Things have changed, things are changing, and things will change. Goodbye to you, LIES.

-jOhN "pledge" LiM-

Evil.

Curse.

Pain.

Gore.

Blood.

Murder.

Death.

Will the suffering ever end? Will the pain in my head ever stop?
The mind can do wonders with your thoughts. No, I am not having suicidal thoughts, though I have had them several times. This is more than suicide. It is eternal pain, suffering and revenge. I really wonder what goes on in the mind of a killer. It makes me think so much. I really don't know anymore if I despise or actually admire them. The mind. The mind, such a powerful tool. It holds all the power, the power to your thinking, the power of change, the power of bringing joy or depression. Now, how do one take control of the mind, then you say.

Jealousy, revenge, anger, rage all put together into a broth to mix the ultimate demon. A monster. How do one actually come to that stage? Feed the demon and it will grow. Feed the thoughts and it will spring out like a roaring lion ready to devour it's victim.

Does Death hold power you say? Is it the answer to questions? Is it the solution to problems? Is it the end? Give it power, and it will take on a new face. Death. Will you ever bring joy? WIll You?

Now think. Think of how much you mean to this world. Think. Think of the worth you are to the world. Are you just a little puny shit? Or are you an individual, ready to take the world in your hands? Tell me, are you that much of worth to the world?

It is amazing how people can view certain things in weird ways. Some may view my question above as offending, degrading, despising and depressing. Whereas, some may view it as enlighting, eye-opening, and relating. Some may even see it as confusing, useless and meaningless. From this, You can come to conclusion of your own thinking, whether it has won you over, or whether you have control over it.

Lost? Stay lost, or find your way out!

I just love observing people. I just love watching them. Their every move, their words, their actions, their smile, their walk. It tells a story. It tells so much about someone. So much. So unique. So diversed.

I am amazed by the crafts of God. How much longer will you put up with defects like us? Oh, You don't see as defects don't you? Sorry, yes, perfect creations. In your image. Sin. You. Liar. Deceptor. Enemy. Away with your lies now. Away.

Thus is the battlefield of my mind each second. Appreciate your simplicity and gentle innocence. Knowing less is beautiful, knowing more is imperfect.

Know what got me thinking? Hannibal Rising. Bite my cheeks now.

-jOhN "Smiling" LiM-


PS: OMG, John is soooo weird! This post is so disturbing. This post will expire in a few days.

I am stunned.

American Idol is just fantastic. It is entertainment beyond entertainment. Enjoying every bit of it. It might just make it into my list of super druper favourites joining Jazz and the rain. Maybe.

I just have to say, catch every repeat you can on the "Idol Gives Back" show. Spectacular. I could have donated if I could. Hahaha.. I was that convinced. Glad nobody went out too :P

Anyway, last paper later on in the afternoon. Then off to Singapore on Monday and from there I leave for Perth on Tuesday. Its gonna be a good break away. Though I know I will be missing out on my friends. But hey, we all need a break away once in awhile.

I feel it coming again. Winds of change are blowing once again. I'm keeping caution. Beware, it ain't gonna be nice this time around. It seeps through your skin. Just random pics. That one above was done whne I was in Form 2, I think.

-jOhN LiM-

Exams have started.. Did calculus this morning.. Was very pleased with it.. Thank God.. Hopefull can score 4.00 for this la..

Business and Computer on Thursday and Friday respectively.

Japanese class has been fun. Its so cute to see the teacher speak and we repeat after her. Just reminds me so much of the time when I was in Japan. Their culture and just the way they express themselves. Extremely adorable. Haha.. Managad to catch a picture of her. Hope she doesn't com by this blog. Hahaha.. :P Her name is Tani-san. And guess what, she is only 26!!!! Freaking young man.. Love japanese class! Woohoo!!..

Cant wait for Perth. Gonna catch up on some books while I'm in Perth and drop by some Jazz bars. I'm so looking for a good Jazz place in Malaysia. Recommendations anyone? :)

Random pic of random ppl at my random workplace on a random Sunday afternoon

Hahaha... :P

-jOhN "studying?" LiM-

Wooohooo!!!

I'm back from my first Japanese class (AT LAST~~~!!)

I'm done with my first exam, LAN~ (woohoo~!)

I'm freaking stressed up over my last english composition paper tomorrow (AHHH!!!)

And I'm excited I will be going to Perth for my 2 weeks break! (the whole of it!! WOoohOooOoO! Not to mention, will be stayin over night at Singapore too for 2 days...!..)

And best of all, I'LL BE TRAVELLING ALONE.. WooOoOHOOooOoOOOoooo!!

Damn, I'm darn distracted man from my exam... Sigh... Must do well d!... Gambate!!!!


And I just had to post this pic of Xin Yi... Don't you just freaking miss him?.. Haha..

Love ya'll peepss..!!!!...

OH WAIT WAIT, BEFORE I LEAVE, THE CLIMAX OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

SANJAYA IS F***ING OUT OF THE COMPETITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SANJAYA, GO EAT SHIT LA YOU!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO... HAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

Ok ok, a bit rude... errr.. Sanjaya, got diggest poo la you!! WOoohooOooOoOoOooO...

(Hmm.. why am I so high when it is not raining?.. Hmmm..must be the young Japanese teacher.. muahahaha.. Will try to secretly snap a pic of her kk? :P)

Muax ya'll!!

-jOhN "Hayashi" Lim-

You ARE my friend, and you ALWAYS will be...

Keep them while you can, hold them so tight, that they'll choke

Squeeze all the love you can get from them because you never know when you'll miss them

[Sorry if you don't see your face, but rest assured that You're in my mind.. Really.. Come ask me :P]

-jOhN "thankful" LiM-

It was time for a nice drink and some music...

Got down to Alexis, Ampang for a small gig by Juwita. Rode in Ian's Harrier and was mesmerized for the night. Its just my thing man. I mean, I just love sitting down, chilling in the night, listening to jazz/music and live music. It just brings me to a certain high, a really different kind of high and relaxation. And there are just so few of these places in KL, and yes, in KL. Some people have to go all berserk when they hear you are going to KL. I mean, like, what is the problem? I'm going to KL for some jazz, so?.. Man, what is the deal?.. Anything la~

Went back to Taman Sea tonight to disturb some juniors from the Red Crescent society tonight. They were having their annual camp so we old seniors just wanted to go back and disturb the few. Had a good time seing friends once again and just ranting about the things going on. Miss those hang out/ponteng times in the PBSM room :P Miss you guys :P

This week is the last week of classes for me. The following week is my finals for this semester already. Stressing~ Have to studyy :( Oh, and Japanese Class FINALLY starts this THURSDAY! WOOHOO!!!

And before I end tonight, all I want to say, is that, I thought You were to one, seriously, I thought, but, you've disappoint me. You really don't seem to display the maturity I am seeking. Oh well, none are perfect~

-jOhN "should start studying" LiM-

It has been some time now since Stronger Concert. But tonight I just had a feeling of going to the Stronger Concert Blog and found a really nice song there. The following video is a video of a song I did during one of our practices.

It isn't perfect, really raw recording, but I just wanted to share it with you guys. The words mean something, really... Check it out. Hope you like it. Its ringing in my head one again.. Hope you find hope in this song because through all the trials, you will stand Taller, Stronger, and Better than before :)



Love ya'll..

Ps: I think the rain is like Love. It can be annoying sometimes, it can make you sick, but at the same time it brings peace and pureness, and mostly, I still love it no matter what :) So, rain, please rain again :)

-jOhN "rain" LiM-

There are currently 6, 543, 750, 311 people in world...


But all I need is

The 1 that will cry when I cry

The 1 that will lie beside me by my side

The 1 that will hold me till I die

The 1 that will cherish every moment together

The 1 that I see when I wake up every morning

The 1 that has those beautiful eyes

The 1 that adores Jazz and the rain as much as I do

The 1 that will cycle with me to the top of hill

The 1 that will read this and go, "He's full of bullshit"

The 1 that can love me for who I am

The 1 person that will be my Friend

Appreciate a Friend today :)

Shoutout to all my friends, I absolutely Love you guys!

-jOhN "1" LiM-

2 more weeks to my finals.

2 more days to my business test


2 more days to my english debate


3 more days to my visit to Proton


4 more days to my calculus test


7 more days to my final computer assignment


823640238945 more days till I grow old



But there is no time to waste






I love the Rain! I love JAZZ! They both get me excited!.. Woohoo!


Hitcher wasn't too bad though the ending sucked @#$&%*&#$%@#@$#!!.. Terrible ending.. It could have been better. Oh well, its just a movie.






Can't really think of anything to update now.. But before I leave here tonight





SAY NO TO EMO!
Woohoo!





-jOhN LiM-

There You were, on the cross, for my sins...





For all my wrong doings, for all my short comings, for Me..




Thank You..

Now I'm ready to make nice..

Happy Good Friday

-jOhN "=>" LiM-

Hopeful

Work load is beginning to pile once again. In 2 weeks I will be having my finals for the semester. It is that soon. Have to begin picking up books again.

On Monday night, after turning and tossing in bed at 9pm trying to sleep, I finally picked up my phone to message my youth pastor, Pastor Julie, to just speak to her. After awhile, she agreed for me to go over to her place in Subang. Drove over and spoke to her for a bit about what was troubling me these past few weeks.

It is really just funny that when you ain't doing well with God, nothing else seem to work out right. Really. Everything just seem to crumble when you choose to turn from God. Somehow things will just work their way against you. From your emotions, to your friends, to your daily day-to-day chores. Everything will practically work against you. Yeap, as you have read, some of you might have noticed, I've been practically emo for the past.. err.. weekS?

Was just having a casual chat with Liang Zhi over this "emo" stuff. Its sickening isn't it? I mean, it drains you mentally, bringing you to the bottomless pit, traps you there, makes sure you stay there and then leaves you there. Its just so tiring to keep falling back and forth into these emotions and feelings. The negativity, the critical patterns, the self-beating process, the self-pity, the depressing moments, and the list goes on. It ain't fun at all. Seriously, it has become a growing trend among us youngsters to be emo. Each of us are beginning to take turns to be emo or as such. If one night say, A is alright, B will be emo and soon after, the latter will get better and A will turn emo. Pastor said its probably because we are professing it so much that it somehow affects everyone's thinking as well.

I believe so. And I see no benefit in getting emo, I really do, but trust me, it ain't that easy to get out of it either. I have been struggling myself to constantly stop my mind from thinking such things. A small matter may arise and totally pull me down the next moment. I truly thank God for some of you that see this matter as unfamiliar. Thats a really wonderful thing because you don't get yourself entangled in your own emotions. Its a privilege I would say. For me though, its a constant battl with my own thinking. Thats why Liang Zhi and I thought of coming up with this Anti-Emo thingi. I don't mean that we're never gonna get emo or anything, but its just that, whenever you're down or anything, you know that someone is gonna be there for yea. Its like a support group or so. I don't mean it as so formal or whatsoever but we ain't perfect, and so many times we fall short of our expectations and get disappointed so often that we are discouraged. I would have to be the witness of that.

So many times I fall. So many times I fail myself. So many times I fail my friends. So many times I fail God. So many times, so many times. And its not gonna stop there, I'm still gonna fail all through out my life. But does that mean that I have stop right there? Does it mean I should not try anymore and stay a loser? Many a times, when I'm all emo and cooked up by myself, I just give up trying. But readers, smile, because it doesn't stop there. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! It is so cliche to hear that, again and again. But it only will mean something to you when you break out of it. Not break out of failure, but break out of the motion that you are a failure.

I'm just so sick of punishing myself when I fail someone or myself. I try and try time and time again. But forgive me art thou for failing once again. I beat myself up everytime I don't live up to a certain expectation that I have on myself. And it kills me time and time again. And worst still, I aim for perfection, and when I don't achieve it (which practically I WON'T), I punish myself by going through the whole motion that "I am useless..." and then stop there. I throw in the white towel totally and walk away, moving on to the other extreme. From striving for perfection to not even trying. My argument was that, if I'm not gonna achieve perfection, then why even try?

Its crazy the way I think so much sometimes too about what others think and feel and will do. So many times, I over think things? Get me there? I assume so much of what others would feel and think and do that I worry so much for absolutely no reason. I fear and worry and waste all my energy to come out with the best explaination or reason that I always mess up and make things worst. Its just crazy. Its time I take things slow, and not over think things. I don't mean going all the way to the other extreme and not caring at all either, but just take things at a time. Often times we just worry when things will get better, but things will just get better with time.

Time. Another essential part of our life. The one thing I've learned about life recently is that time has magic. Time just has a healing magic to its effect. Don't ask me how, but things just somehow work out in time though it only applies so SOME situations.

There are just so many things to change. There are just so many things in my life that I need to throw out. Pride, selfishness, hate, prejudice, misconceptions, fixed thoughts, over-thought, no thought, ignorance, stubbornness and the list goes on. It is gonna be a life long process of learning and over coming each of these. A constant day-to-day process and effort to overcome my weaknesses. There will be days when things just won't work my ways and there goes John again into the bottomless pit, but this time, things should be different, because John wants to find a way out now. We all need friends around us to pull us out when we fall, we all need people for support. And I want to be there for the people that have fallen trap to evil's plan. But let us be there for each other. This journey is not easy, and things will not lighten up anytime soon, but Hope is always beside us.

For this cause, I will continue living.. For this cause, I will fight the ups and downs of life. For Hope lies beyond the horizon. Lead me again on my baby steps of life towards the slow learning process of knowing myself over and over again.

Lord,

Help me understand my short comings, Help me accept them, and Help me overcome them. Time and time again I fail you, time and time again I fail them, time and time again I fail myself. But let not that be the end of the road for me, for I know there is a greater cause for You allowing each and every circumstance in my life to happen. I choose to see the greater cause and good in every circumstance. I understand that there will be ups and downs to this unpredictable life of ours, but I choose not to give up. Help me to move on from my mistakes and pain. Help me, because I am just helpless without You.

Amen.

As I lay my head tonight, I pray that I make amends with whoever or whatever I have come across as offensive and contradictory.

Looking forward to good days and overcoming bad days.

And before I end my long winded post tonight, I just want to say,

No To EMO! Woohoo! :P

Hopeful,
-jOhN "resting" LiM-

...

Dots..

Dot dots..

Dot Dot Dots...

Dots Dots Dots Dots...

March is Over, April has come. Looking to see if it has new life to offer. It better have more to offer.

I'm overwhelmed. Just overwhelmed. By how much I have thought time and time again about You. And things aren't just working out right? Will it ever?... Will it ever?..

Have been down with a flu. Seldom come down sick. But probably with everything happening around, with too much useless thoughts, it has somehow affected health as well. Weather has been perfect with all the rain and all. I love it! Apparently it has been pouring in Japan as well, claims my host family.

I miss the way things were with me. With the innocence and less thinking. With laughter and ignorance... I loved it when I didn't know. But now, do I still know?....

Maybe.. Probably... Could be.. If.. Then.. But.. How.. Please.. No.. Why.. So... Goodbye..

-jOhN ":)" LiM-
ps: love confusing my readers.. hahaha..

John Loves Delaine for letting him use her laptop while disturbing her studying and using her mothers car to cruise the streets of the Klang Valley.. Wooohoo..