Boo!!
Whoa, its been long since I wrote down here. Here goes.. First week of school after the hols is over. Time really fly when you are busy. Back to routines. Results are all back. Ok, to say I didn't do too well is not fair cause my percentage certainly improved but everyone improved tremendously too. Seriously. Mad class. One thing I am so glad about is like my classmates are so determined to do well with an exception of some, e.g. Sarak. Wahaha!.. Jk Jk. But you can certainly feel the vibes of hardwork and determination even as SPM creeps towards us. I can certainly say the quality of students in Bunga Raya is phenomenal. I really thought the students in Wendy's year were fantastic but now I can say the students in MY year is so much better. Wahahahah!!... Ish, anyway, hahaha.. I'm glad for my class la. You rock!!! :P Will try to post some pics of them here when I can.
Meanwhile, everything is alright with me. Still the same John that is struggling to juggle with his time and commitments. Oh by the way, DID YOU KNOW, Ms. Haruka Yamashita is staying over from the 11th August till19th August!!.. YES, you got it right, an exchange JAPANESE FEMALE student! Wakakakaka.. I'm so excited! I can't wait for my turn! I'm really looking forward to spending my December, Christmas and New Year's there!Its gonna be an experience of a lifetime. Though I will miss prom and probably some year end outing with my friends, I guess Japan and probably a new iPod will cover the grief.
Enough of me, now how about You? ;)
-jOhN "mushi mushi" LiM-
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Measure of a Man..
Ok, for you perverts out there, nope its not the measure of your manlihood. But what is the measure of a man? What is the measure when one turns into a Man. Times have changed and I have been really feeling certain pressures in my life. Yes, what so special? Everyone too has been feeling the same. But let's just put it this way that I'm not handling it too well. Of all years, it has to happen this year. Questions I have been asking myself, questions I have been asking God, questions I have been asked, questions I want to ask, answers I want to know.
I have been a lie, I have been a fake, I have been putting a mask, a mask of which no one has ever seen through. It hurts me to lie to everyone around me, to smile everyday knowing deep down a frown is rooted in my heart. How has this got to me you ask? SIN. Thats the only answer. Sin that is repeated over and over again. Sin that has been always creeping around the corners. Sin that has not been gotten rid of. Sometimes I ponder, is God really trying to help me at this stage I am. Probably He is gracious enough to allow me to choose my path at this point. He is allowing me to think back on all I have done, on all I have said and really make a choice, whether I am for Him or not. But you know what, I'm Not sure.
How is it possible for one as such as me to really be shaken? Yes, it is possible. I've said, I'm not what I appear to be. But we're barely scratching the surface. Butterflies are free to fly, but how'd I wished I'd be able to free myself and fly away now. Is there just some place far away, away from it all that I can run away from to get away from this mess. I've got myself in this situation where not only I compromised my faith, but all I believe in and my stands, my character is all being waivered. It has to stop. But I'm helpless. I feel as if God has turned His face away. But yet I know He wouldn't but somehow I can't believe it. Its funny I have all the answers and solutions but yet I refuse to act on it.
Do you believe the saying that You are what You are INSIDE? That is, if you are good inside you'll appear good outside and if your all rotten inside, you'll be vulgar outside? I totally disbelief that statement. Really, through the years I have somehow successfully hide the dark in me. And the effects are slowly surfacing, suffering from post-sin.
Hahaha.. Sorry for such a crazy post. One of John's mood swings. Its funny how human kind behave. Well, allow me some time to just soak in this and hopefully I might get out of it. I feel so weak and helpless right now in this. Oh where should I turn to?..... I turn my eyes to the hills and there my help comes from................
-jOhN-
I have been a lie, I have been a fake, I have been putting a mask, a mask of which no one has ever seen through. It hurts me to lie to everyone around me, to smile everyday knowing deep down a frown is rooted in my heart. How has this got to me you ask? SIN. Thats the only answer. Sin that is repeated over and over again. Sin that has been always creeping around the corners. Sin that has not been gotten rid of. Sometimes I ponder, is God really trying to help me at this stage I am. Probably He is gracious enough to allow me to choose my path at this point. He is allowing me to think back on all I have done, on all I have said and really make a choice, whether I am for Him or not. But you know what, I'm Not sure.
How is it possible for one as such as me to really be shaken? Yes, it is possible. I've said, I'm not what I appear to be. But we're barely scratching the surface. Butterflies are free to fly, but how'd I wished I'd be able to free myself and fly away now. Is there just some place far away, away from it all that I can run away from to get away from this mess. I've got myself in this situation where not only I compromised my faith, but all I believe in and my stands, my character is all being waivered. It has to stop. But I'm helpless. I feel as if God has turned His face away. But yet I know He wouldn't but somehow I can't believe it. Its funny I have all the answers and solutions but yet I refuse to act on it.
Do you believe the saying that You are what You are INSIDE? That is, if you are good inside you'll appear good outside and if your all rotten inside, you'll be vulgar outside? I totally disbelief that statement. Really, through the years I have somehow successfully hide the dark in me. And the effects are slowly surfacing, suffering from post-sin.
Hahaha.. Sorry for such a crazy post. One of John's mood swings. Its funny how human kind behave. Well, allow me some time to just soak in this and hopefully I might get out of it. I feel so weak and helpless right now in this. Oh where should I turn to?..... I turn my eyes to the hills and there my help comes from................
-jOhN-
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