The Baby Steps I Take Each Day

First week of school done.

I think it is gonna be an interesting quick semester.

Taking up Accounts, Microeconomics and continuing to Calculus 2 this semester.

All subjects ain't too bad but I really have to constantly read and be on my toes in every lesson because there is just no space for mistakes or slacking. Really have to do well this semester again! Gambate!!!

Well, there were sparkles in my eyes when I saw you guys again tonight. I was really glad I met you guys again. Truly. Sigh. I just wished you were as excited to see me as well. I missed our times.

I had a good chat with Angie tonight. It was really deep. She understood. Its good to have someone that had been in that position before. I guess maturity sometimes isn't the best thing after all. I mean, time and time again I wished I just didn't know. The less I know, the less hurt i become, the less I know, the best things can turn out. It really applies everywhere from friendships, family matters, SOME school matters and even mamak matters. Like, if I didn't know the mamak man had spit into my teh ais, I wouldn't mind drinking it, because I DIDN'T KNOW!

I don't know man. Its just, like I was telling Vinz tonight, I mean, these past few months have thought me not to rely on people so much already. As painful as it may sound, but its just the truth. People just tend to disappoint you at every turn of the corner. I mean, to the people out there, its not that i don't trust you anymore, but I am sure you are MATURE enough to understand where I am coming from and not go "ooOoOOooO, John don't trust PEOPLE anymore worrrrr~~~" and all those bull crap.

*Brutally Honest Section*

Another thing that really got m thinking today was when I went early for the mamak thing they had in church tonight. Because I was PRESSURED and FORCED by "some" people, I agreed to go as early as 6pm to church, expecting he worst la. I just wasn't in the mood to sweat and work around the sun. As soon as I arrived, I helped carry some chairs from Zoe. Knowing the John that you know, John had thoughts running ALL over his mind about this chore. John started despising and complaining in his mind. But as soon as he watched others and as soon as he walked the many rounds as he did, he started thinking and reasoning. You know, if you'd been reading my posts lately, I had mention I wanted to be a better person right? And here was I complaining in my mind and just regretting the decision just going early. However, something in me just striked, and questioned myself. "You wanted to be a better person, now be THAT better person". You know, I can be so attentive and diligent in class listening to the lecturer and just so focused to do well but here am I, in church, carrying chairs around and whining. I just stopped at that moment.

My thinking changed. I carried the chairs with a smile. Suddenly all the burden of carrying those chairs left. Totally. I was glad I was doing it, in fact. I just genuinely wanted to help. And it was really funny how God works. The past few nights I have been doing push ups (yes, John can be vain too~) and it is just how weird I am now doing all these weights.. Hahaha! Oh well.. Yeah, tha was a really good lesson tonight on humility and jsut serving with a HEART! It was solely for God and to be a better person and totally not to please any man or to show off to any leader bla bla.. i'm just so sick of pleasing people la.. Who are they for me to please them, just suck off la~ Hahahaha.. I glad my heart still had a heart beat after such a long while of negligence and ignorance. Oh well, my baby steps..

I'm growing. For the better I hope. Now, cheers to a whole new week! WOoOOOoooHooOoOo!