Don't you try to wake me up.
I'm trying to dream out loud.
I really can't seem to see and feel it anymore.
I can't find a puzzle to fit a piece of me.

A piece to lend an ear to, Dreaming Out Loud - OneRepublic.
It makes so much sense.

-jOhN "dreamin out loud" LiM-

OMG. If you know me, I had never liked rock. Never.
But Mr. Cook sure knows how to cook something up.

Kudos, David Cook, kudos. Very impressive. Top gunner in the game.
Archuleta better pick it up before I throw him out the window~

"In everything you do, seek wise council."



Thank You. Really, thank you. Never would I have seen that part of the whole picture. You have opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at things.



At the end of the day, its not what I will do, but why. The reasons behind it, the motive, the primary objective, the driving force.



I have to get some things right. Time to face reality. Time to look deep into my intentions. Its time.



-jOhN "thinking, again" LiM-



its times like this, i'd wish you were beside me to guide me
its times like this, i'd wish you were here to be my wings
its times like this, i'd wish you were my sun to shine
its times like this, i'd wish you were my comfort to fall on
its times like this, i'd wish you were here to laugh with me and at me
its times like this, i'd wish you were my right decision.

I know, that all things will work out for the good. Soon, somehow, someday I will understand. Thank you.

A critical turn in a critical point of my life.

An interesting twist to my life's story.

A change I'd never expected.

But as I welcome change, I pray happiness and fulfillment will trail on.

My friends, soon, I shall bid farewell. Seriously.

I'm feeling sick and hopeless,

Down and depressed,

Lost and dumbfound,

At the end of the road.

When will I see the light again,

When will I see truth again,

It seems like life brings no meaning anymore,

No, life means nothing anymore,

Where has it all gone to,

Disappointed and dismayed,

Disturbed and destroyed,

Here I am tonight, at the brink of compulsion,

Here I am tonight in tears, crying out for what I don't understand,

Here I am tonight, shattered,

I am tired. Really tired. I need a negotiation.

I need a persuasion. I need affirmation.

I need a solution.

I need help.

I am drained as I wait. When will a ray of light seep into all these darkness around me? I need my weekly dosage of morphine again. Sigh. Need endophines. Need Happy placebos. Need cure to this sickness. Need solution to the problem. Need an end to it all.
Death seems so tempting right now~
-jOhN "drained" LiM-

A tribute? Naaaa.. This is R-E-S-P-E-C-T man!! Presenting David Archuleta, and yes, I DARE say the next American Idol.. Yeap. Hahahahaha!! I am SOOO impressed with this guy here. Really. I mean, I have to be honest that I wasn't all too hyped up about his OVER-exposure and Over-Ratings about him until I heard him for myself tonight. And yes, he's THAT good baby! That good till I am actually blogging about him! Hahahahaha. He has a few SUPERBLY IMPRESSIVE videos on YouTube. Well, I shall not put tooo high expectaions for you, but HE IS THAT GOOD! Cool down John, cool down.. hahahaha!! Check him our yourself ;)

Yes, he even sang for Kelly when he was 10!!! He'd probably bumped into the Season 1 contestants and just sang for them. Gawd, he blew me away too! Hahaha. Thats him when he was 10 dudes! Its American Idol 7 now!! Like 7 man!. hahahahaha.

Oh well, American Idol is every Wed n Thurs n results on Fri, soon, it'll be Wed n reuslts on Thurs. yes, Hardcore american idol fan here! Hahahaha.. Woohoo! Cheers to more!.. Updates on Perth trip soon.. Till then, I've been really tryin to catch up with work i missed when I was in perth. But it has been good ;) Mum says Morphine makes people happy. Hahaha.. I'm misquoting her, but, I'm looking for someone or something to be my morphine now. And yes, American Idol has given me my weekly dosage ;P

-jOhN "Archuleta!!!" LiM-

This was from Tonight!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~

I'd never imagine in my life to have met another person like You.

Forever, shall You stay deep rooted in my memories.

Its people like You that make the world seem like a place worth living.

Farewell my friend, my Friend.

-jOhN "bids" LiM-

Tonight. 4. Good.

Leavin on a jet plane. Ciaozos. Summer breeze, here I come. Osi Osi Osi, Ooi Ooi Ooi.

-jOhN "leaves" LiM-

PS: I've not left to study in Perth la, I'm just here for a holiday. HAHA.

I pray as life attracts more questions, may I see them not as "Why?!" but as "Why not?"

[= Peace be with each of you as life takes us on new journeys with each passing day.

Farewell to kids leaving for the land down under. May life have mercy on you :P
I shall rest my head now for I leave for Perth in 2 days.

-jOhN "kisses goodbye" LiM-

Moments from the past.

One too many times I have thought of the times I could have lash out all I felt on this insignificant little site, and one too many times have I harmed myself in that way.

With John's little birthday behind him and with chinese new year celebrations, it has grown to prove that love does still exist in the air. Pain blinds us with almost the darkest of time, just almost, but if you dare look into the beeming light that seeps through, then you are sure to find the joy you have been seeking.

With more observations done throughout the days, human kind has remained ever disgusting. But hope lives. At least I choose to see it. Believing in the good that is vaguely disguised in hatred and betrayal. Have you ever wondered how'd it be like to live a life of another? So many times, so many times.

Questions then raised, would it really be all we want? Peace with all humanity? Is it what we really wish for? Good in every soul and kindness that bleaks with every helping hand? Would it be perfect? Call it Nirvana, heaven, bliss, moksha... Is that all we seek for?

I hate. Yes, I dislike. Yes, we all face displeasure. But at what level does it change? Why does discomfort disturb us? Why is discomfort discomfort? Is it a choice? Or do we just place ourselves in such positions?

Our mind is one powerful tool. Known psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud made known to the world in his "Iceberg" theory that the human mind was essentially likea iceber, with four-fifths of it below the surface. It was then said that we are only aware of a small part of our mind and that most important psychological processes which motivate our behavior that drive our emotions were unconscious in nautre. I wonder what lays beneath my mind.

Our mind, rational in its nature is a very dangerous "object" to trust. Ok, well, I shouldn't proclaim such a statement but I shall suggest as such. Our mind in it's nature comes to interpret as it likes. Hard to put down in words, but in simple terms, our mind plays tricks with us. Blinding us from certain "truths". But then again, what is the MIND? If what you are thinking now is pointing at your head, you're wrong, thats your brain my dear. Where is your MIND? Intangible. Unable to grasp. Makes me think of intangible assets~ Hahaha.. Brand? Patent? Or character? :P The Hindus somehow discovered early that all is Maya, or a dream. I ask again, Are we dreaming of the Butterfly or does the Butterfly that dreams of us? Senseless senses.

Where did all began? If only man could get to the core source. What is beyond that nucleon? Is there anything more simple? Is that the way man discover? With chemistry, we dugged into the atoms, with physics, we dugged into matter, with biology, we dugged into cells..... With the meaning to life, where do we look into? Ourselves? Do we hold the answer to that question?

I like this particular quote by Einstein, "GOD DOES NOT PLAY DICE WITH THE UNIVERSE". So tell me God, got my number already?

On a lighter note, Birthday was simple, Chinese New Year was good, still going on strong, and leaving for Perth in a few days to only be back errr.. in... errr... many days time? Gone la, cannot attend class.. >.<>

Rest well my most appreciated friends. Look forward to the games the world have for you ahead =P Cheers!

-jOhN "vague" LiM"

"Tears Dry On Their Own"

All I can ever be to you,

Is a darkness that we knew,

And this regret I had to get accustomed to,

Once it was so right,

When we were at our high,

Waiting for you in the hotel at night,

I knew I hadn't met my match,

But every moment we could snatch,

I don't know why I got so attached,

It's my responsibility,

And you don't owe nothing to me,

But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away,

The sun goes down,

He takes the day but I'm grown,

And in this grey,

in this blue shade

My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,

Why do I stress A man,

When there's so many better things at hand,

We could a never had it all,

We had to hit a wall,

So this is inevitable withdrawal,

Even if I stop wanting you,

A Perspective pushes through,

I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

I shouldn't play myself again,

I should just be my own best friend,

Not f*** myself in the head with stupid men,

So we are history,

YOUR shadow covers me

The sky above,

A blaze only that lovers see

I wish I could say no regrets,

And no emotional debts,

Cos' as we kiss goodbye the sun sets,

So we are history,

The shadow covers me,

The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,

He walks away,

The sun goes down,

He takes the day but I'm grown,

And in your grey,

My deep shade,

My tears dry

Now its Back to Black. Then from there, to Rehab with Me and Mr.Jones. To wonder if Will you still Love me Tomorrow. You go Amy. Beautiful pieces by the blonde lady now.

Life's adventures and it's turns. Tonight, tomorrow, the day after, the day ahead, the months ahead, the following year, the next leap year, the future. What can my little mind comprehand? I'm overwhelmed by feelings of distraught. Maybe. In the future.

On a lower note, I bid farewell to a very dear friend that had left without notice. Such little time but such joyous experiences. It may be our last time meeting till years ahead. As you carry out the dream that is steadfast in your heart, I pray that you carry along the same passion that I saw, day in and day out. Such lightness is much needed in the world today. You lifted my frowns whenever it turned sower, You didn't really light my path, but You walked along. You didn't carry my cross, but You cheered me on. You didn't shield me from the arrows, but You plucked them of me, each that hurt. I'm gonna keep they rest for the mailed letter which I was unable to handover at the apparent airport trip (gah~). Its to good times that we cheer at. Fare well my dear friend, farewell.

To this note, I conclude my whine. To Ms Winehouse I shall lend my ears to.

-jOhN "my tears dry on their own" LiM-

Blind the eyes that see only tears.
Close the ears that hears only curse.
Silence the lips that speak only of defeat.
Punish the mind that hovers over death.
But look only to the one that grants hope.
Hear only words of the wise.
Speak life to another.
And dream of great dreams and thoughts.

Cheers to the challenges ahead, and the acquaintances to be made.

Bless my choices, Lord.
Guide my hand and life to the way you had pathed it to be.

Ironically enough, last year, I was "noble" enough to tell God, "Dude [God], I'm gonna include you in my plans" but somehow or rather, a few things just messed up, bad.
But this year, spirit-led, John is compelled to announce his new resolution, "Dude [God], this year, You're gonna include me in Your plan ;)". To this, I toast to a interesting year ahead. Plans may not be as I want it, but at least I know, I've given someone with great wisdom, the key to my life.

Now, allow the gentle sound of music and tapping of piano keys strike the chords of life as sadness and sorrow flow away as each tune perfectly pitched to the sound of harps and violas play. May it heal your soul.

Lighten up and see, that you are only but a speck, insignificant, but extremely significant only to His eyes. To You, all things be perfect.

-jOhN "embarks" LiM-

Now, let's round it all up.

It is undenialbly common for people to finally come to a standing and look back on an auspicious or an eventful year. 2007 held many new surprises and experiences.

Regardless of what had happened, like I had mention, I could either hate God for allowing those circumstances to happen or thank God for allow me to experience such happenings. On the neutral side, this year has been one hell of a year. That didn't sound too neutral? Wait till you hear from the negative side. But why stay bitter? Why complain? Why sulk and cry over split milk?

Though I had a good start to they year, arrived back from Japan early in the year to began college the following day and beggining the whole new chapter of life. College, would be a whole new step. Looking back now, I honestly can't say I've gotten to love college. I didn't adapt too fast, I didn't really hang out with college mates after schooling hours, though we had some good moments in KL and Subang Square. But as a whole, it took me a year to get close to some people. Finally I can say I'm actually getting use to it. Studies plunged after the second semester. Still bitter over Calculus II~ Urgh~ Haha. But I'm thankful for the opprtunities that came my way. Had favour with most of my lecturers and really good classmates most of the times. Hmmm. Thinking about it now, everything didn't turn out too bad for college [=

Church was, weird, this year. I shall not dare to speak my mind here to not offend anyone, but it was certain that it was a transition year for me from High school to College, so therefore, changes had to happen. I have much to elaborate, but allow me to beat around the bush. I didn't serve much this year. Surprisingly, if some of you remembered, I had a concert to lead this year. Yeap, it was this year. But right after that, I took the jump and stayed in my hole. I wanted to get out, but people kept stepping on my head. I shall not go on further, but weird is good to explain church this year =P

Friends? Gosh. This I don't even dare to beat around the bush. So many things happened between so many different group of friends. But like how I'd mentioned sometime back, I somehow tend to screw good friendships and good times. This, I put the blame on myself. From seing a whole little of high school friends, to staying away from others, to hiding, I've done it all. Conflicts just put my in a turmoil. Mum says these kinda friendship problems can affect my studies at this age. And yes, it did so. Badly. Sad but true. I still remembered how things affected me last year for the SPM and it had to repeat this year. Just not with the same people. See how I screw things up every year? Haha. Looking forward to more next year. Gosh! Haha. Just joking. I heart my friends, seriously. Its just, I'm weird. Sigh =\

My Family did fine this year. At least I think so. Don't remember any big fights or whatsoever. Don't feel like further elaborating. =]

Accomplishments? It depends. But I did some travelling this year. Was in Japan in the beginning of the year. Got over to Tioman for Chinese New Year. Then popped by Singapore and Perth in May. Jiggled in Jakarta in July and thats quite it. Got really familiar with KL roads this year too. Frequent KL for Jazz gigs. Oh! One of the highlights was singing in Alexis with Janice. That was good. So fun. Hmmm. Need to make plans for my own gig one day! Lolz!

You know, now really looking back, I've really grown this year [DUH~]. Hmm. Yeah, you know what, I'm thankful for the year. Now its time to step up higher and move on to greater things that are ahead of me. Much greater things, I know. This time, I want to include God in my plans. No no, I want Him to include me in His plans ;)

Sayonara 2007, and Ohio 2008!

AKEMASHITE OMEDETO GOZAIMASU!

-jOhN "singing a NEW tune" LiM-

:=:=: MerrY ChrisTmaS with much Love :=:=:

Christmas. And here I am, all woobly and frail. Caught the flu whilst Ps. Vincent was preaching on the first night of Indescribable only to suffer the next few days. Thank God I didnt screw much notes up there. Only just a few too noticable to the naked ear. Credits to Daniel for the pictures. They are a beauty.



Surprisingly enough, I am looking forward to youth camp. Gonna take a different approach this time. Just gonne sink in and enjoy [= Life is too short to fight it. Haha. Here are a few stolen pics from the night. Note, a few pics of me from the night. Hahaha! Check Daniel's page out!

Countdown to Christmas, 12 more hours!! The year is coming to an end. Toodles 2007.

Have yourself a merry merry merry little Christmas.

-jOhN "jingles" LiM-

I'm back at crossroads again.

Oh wait, I don't have a choice anymore. Is it just me or is everyone just good at making right decision because I tend to always make the wrong ones. Over and over again.

Now, I can sit here and choose to be resentful and angry at what had happened OR I could be hopeful and optimistic to see a brighter outcome from all these. Again and again I fall to the same kind of thoughts. Thoughts to give up or pick myself up and move on. Stay disappointed or be motivated. It just runs in my mind all day long. Is everyone making it look easy? Mum says, at this age, we all seem to feel that we're alone and no one understands us and we're facing the most fatal situation and there is no one and nothing that can relate to us. I so feel this right now. Its not a big deal, but idea is, the situation ain't the focus, but the thoughts that get you through it.

We constantly fall into a ping-pong game of just falling behind defeat and victory. Can we really have the will to stand strong the whole way through? Does genes play a role here? Can we fairly say that some people just have the optimism in their blood? Can we conclude that some people are just so easy going that every trial and tribulation that might intercept their way would be easily countered and encountered? Look at it this way, its either a good reason, or just an excuse for people like me, that constantly fail to pick myself up and sulk over split rotten milk.

And then, there is the period where I get tired of it all and get up strong. Oh, but behold, it is only for a PERIOD. Then the whole cycle continues! Boring little old story? Yes. So, now, tell me, is it just me? Or do you go through it as well?

Solution to the problem? Friends that can push and hold your hand through these times? Yeah~ Friends. Same thing applies. Like I had posted earlier, I tend to screw things up just when everything seem to be going well. Same cycle, just apply it to humans. First, there is the stage when we are getting to know each other so well, we get along too well, we laugh at every matter, we're the best things that God had created, and then we have promises, we hold each other up for some time, then conflict begins, then resolution. Wait. THEN resolution, which I totally suck at. Not trying to find pity or sort here. Just trying to analize the situation. I like asking why? How did I handle it? OR did I even handle it?

Is it posssible? To craft and plan every move? Or be the breeze walker that walks through every situation, enjoying the breeze as it brushes his hair. Its exactly 11 days to a new year and here I am still screwed up with this year. Wait, I should choose to look at it this way. I should say something like, I'm here REFLECTING on the year. Urgh~ Gosh, this post is turning negative. No no. Must change the direction of the post.

December has been screwed. Hahaha. Didn't get to go to Singapore as initially planned. Plans backfired. Shopping sucked. Still DON'T have Christmas gifts. Short of funds. Full of excuses. Available for negative comments. Ready to explode. Unpleasent-nya. Hahaha.

Now, thats a way of looking at December, OR.....

December has been interesting. Hahaha. Although I didn't get to go to Singapore as planned, but I got to spend time with my cousin that came down and Steven. Though some plans were not executed, alternatives weren't too bad. Shopping didn't go too well because all I wanted was the best for my beloved friends and I couldn't find the best. Though I lack the funds, money don't buy love. Ready with hugs and loves. Expecting a blast. Excited-nya. Hahaha.

Ah. Didn't that feel good? I feel better actually. Does it sound too fake? Its not fake I assure you. Its another side of John. A pleasent side, which, seem to be quite pleasent. Hmm. Nice. [=

Still haven't found a solution to my confusion. Gonna have to make decisions soon. How'd I wish...

Counting down to Christmas. 5 Days.

O Sing all Ye Faithful,
-jOhN "merry" LiM-

We've come so far.

Days have been treating me well. Thankfully. Silence is a treatment though. Isn't a very nice one but it sure does make messages loud and clear.

Not much updates, but just getting my thing on the music scene. Gonna check out a few gigs around KL for the rest of December and kill the pain.

Decisions need to be made soon. Hmmmm.. Thinking of turning my blog private till I get my blogging style right. Hahaha. I'm boring man. I went through some of my previous posts years back, and the way I wrote really changed. Not to say I was ever interesting, but I just need a break from revealing dark emo-ness or useless rants. I'm sure readers do get tired of it too. All they wanna read about are about joyous occasions, happy celebrations and glorious "filled with good looking people" pictures. Haha. Have you gone blog surfing before? Just reading each post by post? I try. But only selected ones.

Oh well. I need an identity. Even my blog needs an identity. My singing needs identity. My life needs identity. Mum says that her Social Psychology book says I'm facing a normal phase of life. A phase in adolescense where I search for an Identity. But in my search for my identity, I have lost it. Three points to ponder about.

Three reasons why people have Identity Crisis/Lost:
1. High expectations. Yes. On yourself that is.
2. Comparissons. You compare too much of yourself to others and the people around you. I am speaking to you and myself here. There will always be someone more and lesser than you are. Always. Healthy comparisson is fine, just not too much till the point you sit and sulk and say "Hey, I'm lousy, I'm not trying anymore, thank you." [sounds extremely familiar].
3. We try to look at our dreams in the future with our present eyes. It just doesn't work that way. When the future has plans for you, settle with that and try not to understand it with your present knowledge and capabilities. We are just about too much for ourselves sometimes. No need to understand it all.

No need to understand it all. That still rings in my head. So many times I count, calculate, plan and try to understand, just to know that I am just so inedequate.

Mum says I need to find my purpose, my goal, my identity in this world, this society, in church, in college, among my friends, among my peers, among the people I mix with and in my family. Its really true. Find value in morale, find values that I would stand on, find meaning among the many individuals of the world, find true meaning just among the every "other". I need to know that I am worth more than a stone in this world. I need to know that so very much.

Think about it again. Meaning. Identity. Value. Worth. As long as I settle those questions, I can move on in life. Really. The next phase apparently is intimacy. Relationship. As long as I don't settle my Identity, I will never have a lasting intimate relationship with anyone around me. Because of the insecurities and uncertainties. Thats no wonder, everytime I try to find someone to Love and find attachment with just doesn't work out. Because I skipped a step in life [=

No more running away, but facing the hard truth. Life is sure one sureal experience. Still today I'm not sure to marvel at the creation of man or stand disgusted at the sight of its actions. Hahaha. Yet another value to look at. I remember watching Stardust the other time. And one part of the movie that got me thinking was when the Star was talking to the Rat [remember?]. I really can't remember any details anymore but I'll try. The Star mentioned something like it was pure disgust everytime the stars looked down on earth to see man's actions and the violence of war, betrayal, lust, greed and all its sins, but the only thing that was worth seing with surpassed it all was Love. That got me thinking. Is Love really that strong? Can love really undo every sin? For God so Loved the world.

Think with me will you? Do I need Love? Or do I just need to get a life? Gosh, I'll be surprise to find if anyone actually read the whole post without skipping a paragraph or two.

-jOhN "holidaying" LiM-

Finals are over. Now I just need to breathe, stay out of drama, enjoy and laugh all I can [=
Woohoo! Partaaaayyy~!! I need a To-Do list again. Will come out with it after certain decisions are made. Till then, I've not celebrated yet. Caught up with Aussielicious Stephen tonight, and popped by church for a cake-Grace day [= Happy Birthday again girl, You sweet thing. Hehehe..

[: You're on my radar.

Currently addited to Britney's Blackout. I've embedded it ALL here for you. YES! Piracy, muahahaha! But please do check it out. If you think Gimme More was good, you've only got a pinch of it. And even honestly, after listenin to the rest of the album, I don't even think Gimme More is good anymore. I recommend Get Naked (I've got a plan), Radar, Piece of Me, Perfect Lover and Freakshow. Hehehehe.. Don't worry my dear Jazz fans, I will post up some Jazz album up soon. Still searching. Hehehehe :P

Till then, Cheers to December and celebrations!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my college friends. Safe trip, Moses, David, Saquib, YY, Raof, Geok Simm, Dong Gun, Casandra, and everyone that isn't local [; Take care alright?

Time to catch up with high school jesters. Catch ya all soon ;)

Pictures were from our Final Speech Class, the best class yet! Forgive obsceness. Thanx Cass

-jOhN "[=" LiM-

One Last Chance - James Morrison

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before
Some people say that i'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never and
I'll try to remember who i used to be
I've got one last chance to get myself together
The time has come for me to change again

I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends - don't say that you have given up on me.
Just give me the time and space to heal my head
I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good



This is sooo for me :P