I'm back at crossroads again.

Oh wait, I don't have a choice anymore. Is it just me or is everyone just good at making right decision because I tend to always make the wrong ones. Over and over again.

Now, I can sit here and choose to be resentful and angry at what had happened OR I could be hopeful and optimistic to see a brighter outcome from all these. Again and again I fall to the same kind of thoughts. Thoughts to give up or pick myself up and move on. Stay disappointed or be motivated. It just runs in my mind all day long. Is everyone making it look easy? Mum says, at this age, we all seem to feel that we're alone and no one understands us and we're facing the most fatal situation and there is no one and nothing that can relate to us. I so feel this right now. Its not a big deal, but idea is, the situation ain't the focus, but the thoughts that get you through it.

We constantly fall into a ping-pong game of just falling behind defeat and victory. Can we really have the will to stand strong the whole way through? Does genes play a role here? Can we fairly say that some people just have the optimism in their blood? Can we conclude that some people are just so easy going that every trial and tribulation that might intercept their way would be easily countered and encountered? Look at it this way, its either a good reason, or just an excuse for people like me, that constantly fail to pick myself up and sulk over split rotten milk.

And then, there is the period where I get tired of it all and get up strong. Oh, but behold, it is only for a PERIOD. Then the whole cycle continues! Boring little old story? Yes. So, now, tell me, is it just me? Or do you go through it as well?

Solution to the problem? Friends that can push and hold your hand through these times? Yeah~ Friends. Same thing applies. Like I had posted earlier, I tend to screw things up just when everything seem to be going well. Same cycle, just apply it to humans. First, there is the stage when we are getting to know each other so well, we get along too well, we laugh at every matter, we're the best things that God had created, and then we have promises, we hold each other up for some time, then conflict begins, then resolution. Wait. THEN resolution, which I totally suck at. Not trying to find pity or sort here. Just trying to analize the situation. I like asking why? How did I handle it? OR did I even handle it?

Is it posssible? To craft and plan every move? Or be the breeze walker that walks through every situation, enjoying the breeze as it brushes his hair. Its exactly 11 days to a new year and here I am still screwed up with this year. Wait, I should choose to look at it this way. I should say something like, I'm here REFLECTING on the year. Urgh~ Gosh, this post is turning negative. No no. Must change the direction of the post.

December has been screwed. Hahaha. Didn't get to go to Singapore as initially planned. Plans backfired. Shopping sucked. Still DON'T have Christmas gifts. Short of funds. Full of excuses. Available for negative comments. Ready to explode. Unpleasent-nya. Hahaha.

Now, thats a way of looking at December, OR.....

December has been interesting. Hahaha. Although I didn't get to go to Singapore as planned, but I got to spend time with my cousin that came down and Steven. Though some plans were not executed, alternatives weren't too bad. Shopping didn't go too well because all I wanted was the best for my beloved friends and I couldn't find the best. Though I lack the funds, money don't buy love. Ready with hugs and loves. Expecting a blast. Excited-nya. Hahaha.

Ah. Didn't that feel good? I feel better actually. Does it sound too fake? Its not fake I assure you. Its another side of John. A pleasent side, which, seem to be quite pleasent. Hmm. Nice. [=

Still haven't found a solution to my confusion. Gonna have to make decisions soon. How'd I wish...

Counting down to Christmas. 5 Days.

O Sing all Ye Faithful,
-jOhN "merry" LiM-