So is this how you "kick" someone out?

Don't get me wrong. I ain't blamming you guys for doing what you did, but I'd appreciate it that you'd ask me first. Yes, it is the Fishing LEAST you can do. Really. I'd thought too much of you. I honestly don't need anymore reasons to be disappointment with the likes of you. But I'm going to refuse to blame him.

Before you read anymore into my words, DON'T GET ME WRONG! I'm not pissed for what you did, I'm just pissed that you assumed. You thought. But if you would just come up to me just once more, and ASK, not even apoplogize, You don't even have to, I'd smile and forgive.

I get it. I really do now. Humans. The weakest of all species. I'm ashamed to be called one.

I tend to over blow and over think things, but how then can I highlight the urgency of the matter? If you don't understand simple english, I'M BEING RUDE FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING YOUR ATTENTION.

At least you don't know who you are. WTH~

"My gawd! What has happened to John?".... ;) I've just got ya where I want ya to be..

-jOhN "~.~" LiM-

And so it is...

From then, from now. I can't. I just don't know how to understand anymore. Pain? Ever heard of the line that goes, "I'm not in Denial". You get the picture. There is just no more essence in me. Is that all I can do? Reminiscent of the past or just blame it..

But is there anyone to blame or should there be anything to blame? I choose. I've chosen.

Look at me again, won't you? Just lay your eyes on my heart and hear it cry, won't you? Did you actually see me, or did I see you? Did you actually choose me before anything else? I'm just an epitome of disappointment and confusion..

In and out. Out and in. In and in. Out and out. You get it don't you? I've seen. And now, I will see..

How can you guys just look rom a far and scorn at me with disgust? I'm utterly speechless. At least warn me. But then again, you're just gonna do it to oblige to the teachings. I don't appreciate patronism. And I KNOW when you're real. Trust me. Its a gift. I hear, I see, I smell, I know. The only reason I am the way I am in front of you is all an act of negligence and isolationism. But I want your care, so much, but yet I want you to hate me at the same time. Love me, Hate me. Play me by my ear and cut it. Run your hand through my hair and burn it. Smile at me with disgust. Love me, Hate me..

I've lost it all together. Its beyond it all. Really. Its not as simple as you think it is, but yet, it is that simple. I just want you to accept me. It doesn't mean you have to approve of my actions or join me. All I need you for is You. Can't you just go beyond what appears to be and look into the hollow of my eyes. ..

Reject my actions but Accept my sanctions. Don't behave like me but Do bereave my darker side. I just can't stop thinking how'd You feel about me. After all I have done to you. I know you forgive me, I do, I honestly do. But I can't forgive myself. I just can't...

I don't blame you for what your side have done. But I blame myself. Its all me. Self pity? Self mutilation now sounds good. Suicidal? Kindling..

To you out there, don't worry. Destiny has its way to go about. The only thing I am wondering is how you'd work around it. You have one tough job to begin now. Or are you all the powerful?..

Working through my eskimo friend. Just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me, mostly..

This is terrible writting. Forgive me? I won't..

-jOhN "( : )" LiM-

PS:Recommended hearing for such moods, DAMIEN RICE.

Woah..

So much to update but so little time. A brief one till I add some pictures to it.

Rushed down to Singapore for the Raya Holidays and had a BLAST there! I'm so going down there again in December with some mateys. Can't wait!

Till then, Hectic October is not over. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm leaving you with a clip of me singing at Alexis the other time ;) Hope you enjoy. Its not the full video :P

Love ya peeps.

Been so busy the past few weeks, need to breathe again.

But I'd prefer being busy than free. No shitty thoughts, no waste of time, no shit ass stupid childish dumb misunderstandings and being productive.

I'd probably have a full plan till the end of the year already. Woohoo?

Tentative plans

Prepare for the SAT which I will be seating on the 3rd of November.

Apply for the TOEFL which I will seat somewhere in November too.

Finals on the 4th-7th of December.

FUN with Aussie mates who will be back in December. Road trip a must

Choosing Uni's. Applying for Uni's.

Catch up will beloved people.

2007. This year, a year worth looking back. So many good and bad. So many.

Gosh, I'm already reflecting. Yes, if you've not caught up with time, the year is ending and the freaking end of the world is coming. So need to disattach myself with the world already.

Till the next time, Find Love my friends, let Love be the highest aim. It gives life. Truly. If your love ain't giving you life, it ain't the right love.

-jOhN "breathing" LiM-

Yes! I've finally got the time to update my bloggy...

Let's just let the pictures do the talking.. Will talk about happenings a little later next week.. Got a wedding this weekend and freaking loads of work to finish.. Catch up soon peeps ;)

Janice, doing her thing..
Me and the star for the night
Yi Yin :)
A corner of the place after it was all over..
Our stage

Singing ma heart out..Da Pastor was there :P
Uncle Si Fu :P
Mua with Eddy Yap, Janice's younger bro.. Yes, Eddy, and you better not forget me anymore :P
:)

Driving to Alexis@Ampang
Alexis; featuring Janice Yap
Mua, with sis and Janice herself..
A pic before we began with Amanda Q
Sista support :)

ps:btw, janice is Joey Yap's younger sister.. Yes, Feng Shui Joey Yap :P

Till then... Have a great week ahead my dear friends!

-jOhN "pulling through" LiM-

Sorry I've not been updating people.

Have been so busy. But yeah, loads has happen since my last post. LOADS.

Putting that aside first, since I now have to time to pop by my blog, I need to upadte ya'll on my activities. Yes.

This coming Friday and Saturday I will be singing backup for Janice Yap, or JYMY, at Alexis, Jalan Ampang. Janice is the host for Trippin' on 8tv every Wednesday 9.30pm. And yes, you're cordially invited! Below are the details. Don't hesitate to drop me a msg about it ;) Looking forward to seing familiar faces there when we perform :P

Where? Alexis, Jalan Ampang@Great Eastern Mall
When? Friday and Saturday (21st & 22nd Sept 2007), 10.30pm to 1.00am
Who? Janice Yap and Band and of course with John backing her up on the vocals..
Why? Because you love music!
How? Transport not provided :P

COME PEEPS COME!! We;ve been practicing every night! And I'm excited!! :P

See ya!!

As Chuang Tze woke up from his dream he pondered, "Did I dream of the butterful or did the butterfly dream of me?"

"There are more things in the heavens and earth than is dreamt of in thy philosophy" -Tiong-
Did God create man, or did man create God instead?


Philosophy is getting a hold on me. Blame it on World Religion. It is going to be an interesting semester all together. It has got to be an interesting one.


The mind does wonders. Let me tell you a secret, the Angkor Wat in Cambodia isn't the center of the universe, neither is the Batu Suci in Mekkah, or neither is the Ziggurats in Egypt. It is Your mind. You hold the power to Your own universe. The mind has limitless power. Now free your mind and think. Can You?

-Stare out the window. You might just see droplets of Life. It drips on the outside-

The most random picture of the lot. John's thinking paterns are changing. Its getting freaky.

I was just browsing through some of the post I posted when I first begun this blog and I was amazed by how much I have grown/change or whatever you call it. I like how this blog has turn out. And therefore, it owns the credit to be mentioned in my speech tomorrow. Cheers to the baby steps that I will continue to take through this life, good nor bad, I will take a step.

Who is there to path my lane. I wait.

You're sweet little bro, truly. Thanks for the little email. I appreciate :)

Farewell Sept 5, 07

-jOhN "fly away" LiM-

I wonder what is Behind this Face.

I wish that you knew.

Was it meant to be this way?
Was mankind meant to live in war and conflict?

What would the world be like without Sin?
From a sinful perspective, it'll be boring,
with no conflict and war,
with no anger and bitterness,
with no jealousy and hatred,
with no malice and curses,
with no lust and perversion
Pitch perfect. Sinless.

See my point? This is where I can evaluate your human philosophy.

Now, would it be a good thing or not?
Does the world sound less interesting now?
Does it sound like a robotic pre-planned galaxy that is blameless and pure in every way and sight
Tell me. Was it all meant to be that way?

Take a moment and think it through.
Were we really meant to live in perfection?
Then how do we see the light when we have not known the darkness?
Then how do we know happiness and fulfillment when we've not seen grief and disappointment?
How do we then conclude that life is FINALLY complete, when at the first place, we are so perfectly complete without sin.

Got you thinking even more? Do you think Sin is that bad now?
I'm not going to conclude for you here tonight,
Neither am I trying to convince you that Sin isn't Sin after all.
Honestly, if you ask me, I'm asking the same things.
Is sin really sin after all?
Or is the devil tricking me into shaking your foundations.

Now, take some time to reflect on a perfect world.
Beaming smiles and joy constantly,
A world without sexual impurity and nakedness are present simultaneously]
Nakedness from the world inside out. Literally. From the INSIDE. [note that I'm highlighting inner personality more :P]
Peace and serenity, with jazz playing in the background.
There is even no need for tolerance because there is nothing to be tolerated
We'd love each other too much.

Is that how it was suppose to be?
Forgive my shallow thoughts, my Lord.
It is obviously beyond my childish comprehension.

Conclusion?
I've fallen short of His highness to even gasp his wonders.
But seriously, I wonder.
A world without Sin.
Fun or no Fun, thats for you to conclude now.

Credits;

Nicole Kidman and little Ollie.

Rohnie Tan Wei Chern

Jealous people who are looking on now ;P You know who you are.

I still enjoy thinking. But a word of caution, it brings you to no conclusion.

Forgive the mess, Thoughts all over

-jOhN "when God made You" LiM-

How do I continue taking steps forward when You don't allow me?

I'm letting room for clearance
But the luggage ain't getting through the passage
Won't you even acknowledge my presence?
Won't you even flick an eyebrow to look into my eyes
To see the sincerity of my cry
Won't you just let your hands out
To hold me for the last time

I'm not going to let this just past me by without a fight
But the battle is just on my side
As you look by the distance beyond the hillside
Clouding my cries to you
You look on with much joy

As I torture myself day to day
With questions and doubt
But I guess I'll never be able to work against your gravity
Its going against me
Letting go will be this hard
As every second goes by
A thought of you comes by as well

Pointless ranting of you. But its the last dedication to you.
Ironic. Singing I'm over it, when I'm still not over it.

Over it? Naa. Plain words of sophistry.

-jOhN "R" LiM-

See, all I want You to do is be my Love. But now, its fine.

Here I am again.

Mum says I must always tell if I'm not happy.
Am I?

I guess I just hate not having control of the situation and plan. I envy the people that can just take things as they are and accept life as it comes. I tend to get left behind with Disappointment. When will I ever learn to move on. Even with this issue with You. Just the past week I seem to have did the best of the worst things that anyone could have thought of. I am clearly a specialist at destroying the 'moment'. Call me "potong-stim" or "party pooper" but I just tend to not play along with practical jokes and crap talk sometimes. Its a real pain in the ass sometimes when I give you that stare after a lame joke.

What is my point? I'm unsure myself. That is how confused I am right now. Hahaha.

Tonight I'm just gonna write whatever that runs into my mind. I'm always describing my confusion. I like showing my vulnerability. I like showing that I am a wreck. But at the same time, I like to potray a strong and independent John, ready to take charge, ready to face the challenges ahead of me. I think we all have our moments when we step up and uncover the fearless self inside. I'm not all weak either. Its just, I have such an unhealthy thinking pattern that it eats me inside out so often times. I constantly fall back into the pit of depression. It can somehow get rather frustrating watching me go back and forth and never breaking forth into the hills.

Earlier on I mentioned I envied people that appeared somehow relaxed and without worry. Yes, I do envy them, so much in fact. I can't stand the fact I can't live my life everyday just playing the PS2, sleeping all day long, and careless about their CGPA/results/academic performance. My results are constantly banging in my head, my decision for Uni applications is persistently bugging me, my relationship with You is relentlessly harassing me, my relationship with my friends is at an alarming level, worries about my identity and individuality is annoyingly pesky. I always have this thought that I don't really know my true self. Truly. Everyday I'm getting to myself a little better and the more I know myself, the more I hate myself. Weird isn't is? Hey, but man can never be contented. Neither am I. I'm always wanting more, wanting to get beter, wanting to be more mature, wanting to think different, wanting to develop at a faster rate, wanting unrealistic things and just wanting instantaneity.

(= This world is just getting more screwed up by the second, and I ain't making it better. I like to think I'm weird and boring. Which at a certain level, is true =P but who cares la.

Oh well. Crapped loads tonight already. Just another post about worries and my twisted self.

-jOhN ♪ LiM-

Tonight.

Messed up. Zoom. Waited. Cried. Thought. Gazed. Dreamt. Wished. Swayed. Fell. Fear. Hurt. Corrected. But finnally Loved.

I thank You for that.

Time and time again, it is always the Loved ones that I hurt constantly. But You never gave up. At least I don't think you did :P

Is it worth it? I'm honestly unsure. Yet.

I've not gotten an answer yet Lord,

But I'll wait, in patience.. Because I know I'll hear you, or at least, You'll hear me..

The past few days I've been really troubled about the situations of life. I'm toying with certain ideas for my future and it all seems so unclear. There were just too many things to be taken into consideration that I just lost looking at simlpe faith.

But surrendering it all to God is all I can do at this moment. Won't let confusion blind me.

A few things I took note of listening to Dr. Bernard Blessing this morning... Hope it blesses you as it had with me.

"Surrendering our basket of weaknesses, fear and doubts to find hope in it"

"I am a solution, not a problem"

"Turning the ugly situation into a beautiful miracle"

"How can God teach you peace without letting you know suffering. How can God teach you grace without letting you knowing cruelty. How can God teach you love without you knowing hate"

Time and time again, I come broken at the feet of God. All I am is just a servant of God, ready to be used by what I have. If he had looked upon my sins and judged me based on what I've done, I would have been bound to the depts of hell a long time ago. But yet, He is gracious to still choose me, weak and small as I am, to turn curses into blessings.

It has been a long week. Much has happened. Much. But I'm not here to tell you, "NOW I have the answers!". NO! I don't. Not even a bit. But I'm trusting. In what? In the future that God has for me. I don't know what it is. All I know, it is going to be exceedingly beyond my expectations, far better than I would ever imagine. He has a plan for me and each and everyone of us. Are we giving it to Him?...

Life is one interesting journey. So much to learn, so much to go through. At least I know I'm not alone :)

Good night people. Have a great week ahead. All the best to the Taylor's A-Levels students and welcome back to classes ADP students. It is going to be a whole new interesting semester.

-jOhN "faith" LiM-

Not till I hear you tonight...

.... Waiting in silence ....

thinking

more thinking

.....

givin myself to this ....

doubts ....

troubles ....

reasons ....

confusion ....

as I wait ....

in agony

:) Will You?

Longing to be by your side.

-jOhN "*.*" LiM-

Just like the old times. Like literally. Spookingly enough, we were all wearing the SAME outfits the night we went out together the last time in Kiara.

I'll spare the details but here is to more nights of black :) Cheers

Dinner - Rush Hour 3 - Camwhores@carpark - MahJong

Yes, In the shopping cart.. We were playing push-push in the carpark


Ber-gaya-ness


This is what happens when a car passes by~

:D

Woohoo.. Mahjong!

-jOhN "mahjonging" LiM-

I just feel so small in this big place.

I feel so messed up and confused.

Back to square one.

Where is this little life heading towards?

Tell me.

Yo people!

At last I found time to pop by my little blog. Holidays have been rather productive since. This is actually the first time I actually have a goal for my holiday. All these while, I never had an aim or a certain goal to achieve in my holidays, but this time its different. I have a list ;) *wink*



Oh well. Let us just highlight SOME events :)


Friday night@Curve for Abigail's birthday. Happy Birthday again girl! Headed on to Hartamas after that for a long night chat with ma peeps. It was really good after a really long time of not having those kinda conversations. I like mind boggling topics that are debatable and still questionable. I can't help it but to disagree to only agree. But its just me. If you can convince me, then you've really convinced me. If not, you're convinced :) Oh well~



Saturday night at Mardi Gras. Yes, we were TOO early. Oh well, I was still glad to see faces I've not seen for ages! Caught up with most of them. Hanged around a little till they decided to switch to Santuary. I decided to detour to Laundry instead and meet with Dee & her Irene with her extremely pleasent boyfriend. Had loads of fun that night and went home woozy :) Thanx Chu & EeJin again ;) Hehehe...

Popped by PC fair with Vinz while Jo & Dee did some shopping in KLCC on Sunday. Flew back down to Curve for a nice meal and later on drinks at the Apartment. Got a few bartenders to show us tricks :P And guess who we spotted too? :P

The past few days I have been reading and YES, I finally watched Hairspray! Woooh. Lovely. Well, to prove how much I actually like it, I watched it 3 times in the same day! :P Had time to watch Lake House as well, starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. OMG man this movie. Can cry man. I SO TOTALLY RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE! Anyone has Sleepless in Seattle? Or Jerry Maguire? Need to get hold of those too. Oh well~

Hmmm. No wonder I haven't updated for this long. As I type right now, I just feel like deleting everything. Fuh~ Weird night.

I shall add more juicy details another night la. Tonight is just not the night. Don't feel right. Hmmm~ I have also been taking a few evening walks alone. Thinking. Just thinking. There has been just so much thoughts in my mind. Fuh~~~ :'(


Looking forward to the next few days. Still have a number of things to accomplish this holiday. C'mon baby!



-jOhN "holidaying" LiM-