I'm finally back!
Of course not just back from LA, but back here to blog. Yes, it has been some time. After coming back from LA, I hurried down back to KL to breathe a lil for a quick 3 days. I guess this time back for a bit more fruitful than the last time I popped back. That was a rush.

Taipei-LA was terrific. Met wonderful people on board. Very nice set of crew. Had loads of fun. Won't go into details, but yes again, pics on Facebook. This time too lazy to put up any pics here, next time I hope.

Popping by Osaka this Sunday. Gonna meet my Japanese family there! Excited for that. Then end of the month, i'm going to Moscow-Houstan! Woo. Shiok.

Life theses days on board has been smooth sailing. i'm picking up on my work now. Now is learning to ways to sharpen and smoothen my work, thats all. Its been good seing how my batchmates and I have grown at the same pace. I always look forward to flying, though I do have that before-flight syndrome where I sigh for a bit. Haha.

I'm trying to keep myself occupied. My mind and all. Just the other day my batchmates and I went over to East Coast Park to rollerblade and cycle. Its been some time since I've done some outdoor activity. Can't wait for the next outing. Brought my tennis racquet over from KL as well to play over here in Spore. Hoping to find buddies to play with soon, or my racquet will just rot here.

I been feeling pretty lost again. Yeah, AGAIN (Here John goes~ *roll eyes*). I don't mean to say anything, but in the working world, if you know wat I mean, you have to "behave" a certain way to the people you work with. I was just tlakin to my batchmates the other day and realised I'm the only one behaving this way. But thing is, am I doing it sincerely? I mean, I'm the only one that can answer this question, but I believe the answer is Yes. But somehow, I still feel distrubed by it. I feel that I may appear fake. But then, my mind chooses to rationalise with everyone that I am merely doing it all out of goodwill. If you're lost here, don't bother. This posting is also for history purposes when I look back next time.

I really want to find my true self. What I really want in life. What I really want to be. I want to find my direction. Not that I am THAT lost, but at least know who I am. I want to discover my true nature and the angel that is hidden in me, or at least the devil that is lurking inside. I want to know Me, John. Just John.

You made me confused you know. You did. Yes.... And as each tear strem down my cheek, I understood what you have been doing. Manipulation of my fragile heart. I guess, Life points us in all the directions, but it is only by our choice that we choose. I chose wrong. I chose You. However, regardless, I still choose You. I want to believe that it will work. I want to believe that its not just a mere silence, but a testing, a trial in time where time sits still, amidst all the happening to calm my heart. Though it has caused a stir, I know, that somewhere, and literally, you are OUT there. But you will never hear my cry, will you?

Why do You keep silent when I need an answer?

The whispers of the wind is in my ear as I gaze up on the skies to see you there. I want to know that you are there. Tangible to my senses, soft to my touch. You stole a part of me that will never be returned. But I do. I really do.

On another note, I'm also starting to feel allienated. Yes, from Us. I somehow feel that you guys despise me. But I am only me with you. Sigh. Where else can I be me. Gosh, I am such a people pleaser. Die John, Die to yourself!

-jOhN "tears" LiM-